Thursday, December 15, 2005

Fear and Courage

From a recent discussion came the thought that fear and courage are actually the same thing, or that one can have fear and courage about the same thing at the same time.

If one were in a serious relationship with someone who has visa issues, one might marry the person out of fear of losing the relationship and being alone if he had to return to his home country. This is what I thought of, fear. But someone mentioned courage, to do this. Courage to take a chance.

Then, on the other hand, someone like me, might not marry a person in any case except the genuine case. This takes courage and strength to risk giving up a good relationship so as not to sacrifice the self by doing a fake or half marriage. But along the lines of the new perspective above, this could be interpreted as fear, of taking a chance.

In the end, it doesn't change my mind. I still don't think I would ever do such a thing. The proof is in lives unfolding. Those who did the former, are still in half marriages, not whole.

If the scenario presented itself (and just so happens the U.S. citizen is female and the visa-holder is male in all cases known to me), why should the woman be the one to take the chance, giving herself to a marriage when the man has not asked her to marry him the real way? If the relationship were judged to have that much of a chance for real marriage in the near future, why shouldn't the guy take the chance and commit himself at that time to ask her to really marry him?

It depends who is doing more of the giving. It seems to me, that if the guy has shown he's not willing to take the chance, there's not enough in it for the gal to take the chance. At that critical moment, the guy has actually decided that he is unable to ask her to marry him. So it seems to me.