Thursday, November 30, 2006


I'm reading the "Our Daily Bread" that the nurse gave to me in the hospital. The last two entries for November, one says "In the darkest times of our lives, God longs to turn our 'mourning into dancing'", and "if you cry out to God in the midst of your 'winter', you can experience the joy of the Christ of Christmas today."

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5

The last one says, "do we trust in God and thank Him for whatever He has planned for us? Whatever our situation is today, we can be thankful for God's seasons."

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1


Sometimes the suffering is extremely hard to bear, almost unbearable, and to think that this isn't even that bad, that there are worse suffering out there, is pretty depressing. Why does suffering exist? What is God's plan? And how will He show mercy?

My mom says God only helps those who help themselves. And I feel like I don't know how to help myself. Or can God help those who are weakest?

I'm lucky that I have a family to help me when I can't take care of myself. I'm lucky my family has money to pay for health care and things. What would I do without them?

I can wish that my life would go back to the way it was before, carefree and painless. I can be thankful for that time. Sometimes things happen and life is changed. Can I pray for miracles, that both my neck and Lyme disease (and whatever other afflictions) will be healed, pristine? Maybe someday I can look back on this, as I have looked back on the lesser problems in my life in the past.


lara said...

i'm so sorry to come read how much pain you've been in lately. i honestly had no idea, as wrapped up as i've been in my own issues lately. i won't be so trite as to say "hope things get better soon!" because i know it will take time to heal, to move on. but know that you are loved, that you have friends, that i am sending you many warm wishes. i'm so glad you delurked and sent me that comment. big hugs from me.