Thursday, November 29, 2012

"Sun and Moon" Orientation

During M, Teacher stands in the center and the students in a circle around him.  On Tuesday at the MV class, there was no doubt that Teacher was standing facing me intentionally during the QG M named above and he was watching me periodically when we opened our eyes.  I know that he is pretty much doing this exercise for me because I told him I thought I felt better after doing it the first two times.  When I told him I would be missing class to go to a wedding, he had said he had been planning to do this exercise the next week but that we would do it when I was back.  I am kind of getting used to this special attention.  Honestly, I like it and don't want to take it for granted.  Is it "fair"?  It's probably the best allocation of resources to help those who need and benefit from it the most while there is essentially no change for the rest of the class since we do M sometimes anyway.  Other times, it feels like it affirms that I am a good student and have potential to go to the top.

The first time I had done this M was at the MV class before the CB workshop in June just a few weeks after I had started classes with Teacher.  I noticed Teacher was facing me during most of the M.  I was a little weirded out that time because part of the exercise involves moving the hands in circles around the chest.  For women, that ends up being like, ahem..., rubbing the breasts.  I looked around and some women were actually doing this.  I decided to do the exercise without touching my body.  This turns out to be the part of the exercise that seems to improve my energy level because the arm movements essentially stretch the muscles and other tissues around the heart.  At the time, it was a little weird to be facing a male teacher and doing this.  Other times, Teacher turns around 180 degrees and faces his back directly towards me, which also feels like an intentional connection.  One time Tiger went to this position directly behind him.  With the hands over the heart, it looked like she was M-ing and sending love through his back.

At the very first class in June, as we were waiting for the teacher to arrive, I chatted inside the doorway with the other Asian girl around my age.  Teacher arrived, looked at us, smiled, and asked, "Are you all here for the TJ class?"  "Yeah..."  (What else would we be here for?  In my head, "are all you pretty girls here for the TJ class?" heh...)  "Good. :)"  At the time, the main reason I signed up for the class was that I thought I might meet and make some friends my age who happened to share an interest.  I remember that moment because having a conversation was still a "new" experience for me and this was one of the first times my brain started processing it more naturally.  I felt like Tom Hanks coming back from the island after years except I had been too sick to talk to a ball.

E told me that the summer session was a little different and it turns out it was.  Teacher started off with more drills, just walking back and forth across the room and doing the "energy drills", in a teaching style that was more like that of my Y style TJ teacher.  By the middle of the first class, he was staring at me with big eyes and an expression that looked like he had just seen a spirit.  By the end of the first class, he was staring at me the entire time he was talking to the class.  The expression was a mixture of surprise, interest, and zoned.

Last Tuesday, I was talking to Teacher at the end of class because he wanted me to lead the SR exercises the next evening.  I was almost going to skip the class because I was too tired but he e-mailed me that Ir was going to lead the whole SR sequence and so I could review it.  On his Web site, it says students have to have been with the group for two years before leading SR.  It's been less than half a year for me, although I did learn from his student before for two other half years.  I only count it as half a year though because the first time was seven years ago and the second time, I was spending 90% of my energy just focusing on remaining standing.

He said something about M and F, my new friends in the SM class.  "They think they pay attention but they don't really."  I laughed.  "I just let them go....  They do all these other things..." (another TJ class with another teacher) and sometimes end up doing the other style in our class.  "How do you know?"  "I been teaching for a long time."  "I do other things too...."  I had told him I was taking Y style TJ from another teacher.  "I know.  But I think you can do it.  You... a bit more focused."

This all made me wonder how much a teacher can see in a student and how soon.  How far does he know I can go?

I probably shouldn't tell him that I was kind of winging it when I led the SR because I had been too tired to practice and run through the sequence.  The day before, he had had L and M "watch" and critique Ir on her SR leading.  He had told them not to just tell Ir that she had done a good job as if people getting too close.  After I led the SR, Teacher had a big shining smile on his face and told the class, "That was very good....  The only thing I would say is..." and he mentioned two minor items that only had to do with memory or sequence.  He was smiling like that for the rest of class.  I'll have to ask him about the critiquing....