Saturday, February 10, 2007


I was sitting in the kitchen eating dinner yesterday and thinking about how my doctor had just called and spent twenty minutes on the phone with me. He doesn't seem to be put off by my uncensored blurtings of things like, "So what do you *really* think about all of this...?", among other things. Although he doesn't really answer the question and says it's my decision. Well, that wasn't the question. If I had been a doctor with a new patient like me dropping in and suddenly dropping mysteriously ill and talking about weird things, I'd have probably thought she were crazy and not have the patience. But who knows, maybe he's just doing his job.

Anyway, what I was getting to, is that I felt like I wished he could believe me, believe in the possibility of things without evidence so far, and take on faith the things I describe that can't be understood without experiencing them oneself. Because he's a pretty nice guy, seems to be a good person, and wants to help. It would be even better if that kind of person were able to believe and trust people.

But I do know what it's like to not be able to believe things I can't understand. So, being frustrated with him talking to me yet not quite believing me, gave me some sort of revelation.


Lara said...

i know exactly what you mean, because trying to explain what depression is like to some people is so much like that. and how can i blame them for not really believing or understanding how extreme it really is, when i have trouble believing it myself sometimes?

i was thinking that maybe someday, if you'd like some company, i could come visit for a while. we could just watch a movie or something very casual like that. OOH - or we could have a bloggy visit. sometimes i like to just sit with my mom or my friends and go blog walking together.

anyway, i know you're often tired, and maybe not up for company, but if you ever think you might be, shoot me a note. :)