Can't Even Imagine

Although this past week, my mind has been too blank and tired to even write in my blog, I managed to watch some television tonight.

A PBS film about the United States biological weapons program in the mid-twentieth century:

The Living Weapon

You just want to cover your ears, hide your eyes, and pretend that such a dark side of humanity doesn't exist, and that our governments don't commit such crimes.

I have been reading about conspiracy theories that cover all sorts of diseases from AIDS to chronic fatigue syndrome to Gulf War Illness, mostly all being related by (possibly genetically engineered) mycoplasma infections. It is too hard to believe that our government could engage in such secrecy and cover-ups, at the cost of human suffering even of its own civilians.

But a PBS film is a reliable source. Although the film was brief, it stated plainly such things as, accidental deaths from working in the biological weapons labs would be covered up in secrecy, human volunteers were not told the real reasons for the research, and they sprayed deadly stuff over the ocean and "simulants" over cities and in buildings. Imagine the possible information that hasn't been declassified.

Before getting sick myself, I probably would have totally dismissed all the stuff I've read on the Web as quack material. I don't think this illness has warped my mind that much. It's just that when you get sick yourself, you have a reason to care, and you know the diseases are real and serious. Then you start to read, and the stuff, maybe not all, but enough, really does make sense and isn't that crazy. If more people cared, it wouldn't be relegated to the stuff of quack research.

Unfortunately, the nature of these illnesses is that the people who are sick are so disabled that they can't help themselves, speak out, or do research. And it takes about three people to take care of one sick person. (And that is pretty much the idea behind biological weapons that disable rather than kill.) All the people who know and care are bogged down. So these are silent illnesses to society. Nobody hears about or thinks much about Gulf War Illness, chronic fatigue syndrome, or Lyme disease ever, until you yourself or a loved one gets sick, then it becomes your entire life.

Who knew that getting bitten by a stupid tick would do this, enter into a political medical war, and also the possibility of covert government operations.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about these things, and just think about how to treat the disease and get better. But reading about how to treat such diseases inevitably leads to this information.