Friday, May 31, 2013


Teacher: "I think she's probably very smart in certain areas..."
Tiger: (smugly) "But not too much wisdom..."
Me: "Who...?" (In my head... I'm not too sure about the wisdom of someone who smugly says someone else lacks wisdom when I haven't seen wisdom in the speaker. I'll say this at the risk of doing the same thing in this very blog post.)
Tiger: "T... you know... she has all these crazy ideas."
Me: "Oh, I don't know, I don't see her that much."
Teacher: "I think she may be very creative."

The only conversation I had heard between T and Teacher was something like:
T: "I caught someone's energy. What do I do with it?"
Teacher: "...depends whose energy! Is it mine?"

Yeah, that's a crazy idea, if she were being literal!

Teacher: something something "...G..."
Tiger: "G is pretty smart."
Teacher: "I haven't seen it." (Funny, and I understand based on a "bizarre" story he told me involving her.)
Me: "Smart people can recognize smart people..."
Tiger: "Oh my God!... M!" in a tone of voice that sounded truly shocked.
Teacher: "Yeah, see, I'm not smart."

Me thinking, um, some of us are just making dumb jokes... although I do think it's true.... I thought she was offended because she thought that I was implying that Teacher is not smart. Later it occurred to me that maybe she was "smart" enough to recognize that my joke would end up being an insult to her if she thinks G is smart but I was joking more with Teacher at the time.

I started going down to the LA park after the SM park class to learn the spear. As I am too tired to participate in the whole class and drive back, I decided it was okay to get a ride with Teacher after certain incidents of getting to know him better. Tiger offered to drive me down the second time.

Tiger: "I don't tell people how long I've been doing TJ for anymore... because some people have told me they've done it for 20 years and..."
Me: "I don't know if it just takes practicing... it must take some intelligence too... I mean, I know some people who practice every day and..."
Me: "But even when people are really smart and learn really fast in the beginning, isn't it still not really possible to get the depth in the beginning?"

Tiger was saying something that Teacher had said earlier, that some people are "too smart" and pick it up really fast and sometimes get bored and leave or think they've learned it all after a few months.

Me: "But if people are really smart, wouldn't they stick around and know there's more to learn?"
Tiger: "That's a different kind of smart... that's wisdom. The smart, that's like competence..."

Okay, to me, that's too trivial to be called wisdom and if people think they've learned something that takes a lifetime to develop in a few months, I don't think those people are even "smart". Yeah, let me pick up a cello and imitate Yo-Yo Ma after a few months and then say I'm done.

Me: "I think your TJ is like your English. How do you get it so... perfect?" When I first heard her speak, I thought she was born here even though I had already seen her CV. This is what makes me say she is very smart.

A while ago, we had this conversation where she told me that CXW and Teacher have "small circles" while CB and she have "medium circles". I was thinking, are you really comparing your TJ level in the same sentence to CB, nephew of CXW, the "most famous" TJ GM of this style?

Two months ago, I saw the video of her competition performance and thought it was amazingly good. Now, a year after starting classes with Teacher, I am starting to see things that make me think that maybe her TJ is not "that" good. Maybe Teacher is too perceptive and knows it too because last week, while her demo group was "performing" for us, I was able to watch intently and started seeing more things that I didn't like, and then he stood next to me and commented on what people were not doing right, including her on the basic opening move of every form. A simple correction that isn't really a matter of "skill" but that is a first, to hear a critique on her TJ.

A few weeks ago, she asked me to be one of four for a performance. I wanted to decline because I don't even have enough energy to practice. She could be in it instead. She said she didn't want to be on stage. Teacher suggested adding K to make five. "No, the guy cannot be in the center. That's my thing." The group ended up opening to anyone who wanted to participate. I went to the first practice to see. She ended up putting herself in the performance, front and center, and at the end, shooting out through the center with flying leaps and landing in front. I dropped out because it was too much energy expenditure but also because it wasn't worth my time as most of the focus wasn't on the TJ but the formation and "dance" choreography and we kind of suck compared to the demo groups seen in last year's video who mainly just show good TJ and KF. Teacher has gotten really "relaxed" and has been letting her take half the class out of class for several weeks. I'd rather not miss class. They "performed" for us at the next class with a new formation, a triangle, with her front and center. Okay, it does help for her to lead the group but this is one of many instances of saying one thing while doing the complete opposite. I commented to J next to me that the two guys were placed in the back on either side. He said he noticed that too. I jokingly mentioned that to Teacher who said it was symmetrical. "It can be symmetrical in other ways...." I'm so mean....

At the end of class, I sat down next to Teacher as my bag happened to be next to him and we were talking and joking. Tiger was showing R a dao movement and accidentally smacked R's dao along the gym floor, so hard that I guess she bent the tip. "Sorry!" Teacher, sitting next to me, said, "So mean...." The jealousy seriously comes across the entire gym. The literally destructive nature of jealousy demonstrated by damaging almost $100 worth of dao and who knows how much in gym floor resurfacing in an instant.

Another time... "She told us this is the Valentine exercise because it's shaped like a heart."
Teacher: "She's very emotional," as she arrived. "You came just in time for the Valentine."

In my head, uh, half the class already thinks you're having an affair and the other half I just haven't heard from.

I don't consider jealousy to be an emotion. It involves feeling emotions but itself is not one. Emotions are: happy, sad, angry... jealousy is a thought process and behavior. As I was yapping with M a while ago, she is the most jealous person I have ever seen in my life, literally, not exaggerating, even after having been the best friend of someone who pretty much had some degree of borderline personality disorder, in which extreme jealousy plays a prime role. Anyway, I don't think soul-defining jealousy and wisdom really exist together.

According to Wikipedia, I think my understanding is not bad:

"Wisdom is the judicious study and application of knowledge. It is a deep understanding and realization of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to apply perceptions, judgments and actions in keeping with this understanding. It often requires control of one's emotional reactions (the "passions") so that universal principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one's actions. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action."

But Teacher still loves her (in what way, it's still not entirely clear...) and gives her hugs that seem a little too friendly and her arm and shoulder touches seem territorial. I wonder if he would do that in front of his wife? What is the difference between a close friend and an emotional affair?

Tiger: something something "tango.... I went back a month ago.... You should come try it."
Teacher: (smiling but the body language seemed to say, um no.)