Monday, July 01, 2013

Warrior Spirits

The image of him pushing hands with another guy after class brought to mind a bigger struggle, like he was fighting something in the spiritual dimension.  I saw my teacher looking at him.  I was thinking about this image and planning on writing about it already.

The Facebook posting came sooner than I was expecting, tonight, for my friend from elementary school.  I hadn't seen her since the 4th or 5th grade but remember her as one of my best friends during elementary school.  She and her twin sister were one grade above me and it was special to have these "big sisters" befriend me.  When she friended me on Facebook a couple years ago, I was too sick to reconnect with her.  When I got better, she became sick and I didn't want to bother her.  I cried for a week when I found out that she had ovarian cancer even though I hadn't seen her in 25 years.  Today I'm not really sad or crying.  Maybe I knew it was coming, maybe I was sicker back then, and maybe it was because I knew she was suffering back then.

I remember her as one of my spelling partners, running up to her during recess and yelling, "What level are you on in spelling?  What chapter are you on in math?"  She told me that she liked that I didn't say "hello", just yelled her name with a big smile and launched into these excited questions.

Previously, this guy, dark skinned, wearing a tank top and headphones, listening to music in the sun during class, saw me sitting on the grass and eating when I arrived to class.  He told me that I was like him and needed to gain weight.  I asked if he could eat anything and not gain weight and he said yes.  At the time, I was just laughing at having an inefficient metabolism.  Recently, Teacher told me during one of our carpools, that this young guy was a cancer survivor and recently on chemo.  Oh....  Then I remembered that image of him pushing hands, fighting with a warrior spirit, skinnier than he used to be but still muscular and virile.

Yes, the reason I am a bit skinnier than normal for me, sit on the grass and eat during class, and Teacher doesn't mind, is because of my health situation.  But it's not the same....  It's not all worse or better, but it's not the same.

There was a moment last year when I was in my other teacher's class and we were learning the most difficult move in our repertoire for one of the first times.  Her husband walked across, turned and stood to face me directly across the room, watching me for a minute.  At that time, I was so tired that perhaps only a Shaolin monk who has gone through that training could see the severity of my fatigue, when my muscles were shaking and I was still standing because of very good balance.  It was like he could also see that there was an actual image of a demon in front of me, between us, and I was fighting it with that warrior pose, bow stance, with one hand in front below the tip of my nose.  He in a black coat, tall, strong and straight posture, was like an embodiment of another spirit, there with me.

To be continued....