Friday, August 29, 2014

Big Bad Mouth

Many of the things I wrote about my old TJ teacher were wrong apparently.  I left his class over a year ago after he physically abused me with some seriously psycho QN and not for demo-ing PH but to punish me for "disrespecting" him.  There's one old blog post where I actually wrote that I thought I knew that he would never punch a girl even during PH.

I have had my big toenail pretty much ripped off by a very absent-minded lead with an iron heel during a Waltz Week, and the psycho QN was way more painful than that as well as held for a long time.

Thank goodness, I had enough sense to leave, but it took me a year to disentangle my mind.  I learned that there is such a thing as traumatic bonding and it appears to me that 99% of his students go through that over the course of 5-10 years.  I was apparently very fast, a half year to one year.  But thank goodness, otherwise I would have spent a good fraction of my life in it.  Now I can see all the current students, limbo students, and gone students in the various stages of the process.  It's really disturbing because this is really your everyday class at every local community college district and recreation center across the peninsula (literally), and the students are normal everyday people, a cross-section of society, not especially stupid people.  But 99% of those who are serious enough to stick around to learn TJ get embedded in this twisted abuse matrix.  I think there is one old student, a woman nearly my age who started classes when she was in community college, who sounds like she had her life ruined.  People won't talk about that one.  And others.  So then I don't know if what is hinted is made-up gossip or possibly true.  I say, geez people, you need to talk about it, so a million other incoming students don't end up going through the same thing.  Not talking about it only protects the abuser and abuse.  So I'm the only one with a big bad mouth enough to talk about it.  I write way too much on my Facebook notes to my TJ list.  90% of my former classmates avoid me.  The way that abuse works is that they fawn over the abuser and I'm like the bad one because mouthing about bad behavior is apparently the bad thing instead of the bad behavior being mouthed about.  Maybe it is bad for me to badmouth, but I say that I just mouth and whether it's badmouthing or goodmouthing is determined by the doer not the mouther.  I sure wish someone had told me so that I could have saved myself a year and some trauma.  TJ mistress #N unfriended me even before my mouth got that big.  I said a little too much too soon because she unfriended me before I could write what I really wanted her to read.  If you enjoy looking like a married man's mistress and other such stuff, I guess you would need to unfriend me.  My current thinking is that if you look like one, it doesn't matter that much if it is or isn't, cuz there's something really screwed up if you look it.

I would suggest to current students that they go rip out both of their big toenails at the same time if they want to keep following and supporting this teacher.

Some visits to my blog apparently inspire 6.0 earthquakes 10-20 minutes later.  Sometimes I have to wonder about the spirits.

I haven't blogged here in a long time.  Partly because I was sorting out my own self, trekking all over the Bay Area looking for a new TJ teacher which is more than my health can keep up with, shifted a bit to Facebook, and yikes, I haven't read any blogs for over a year simply because Google canceled their Reader and I never got around to transferring elsewhere.

I'll write the good stuff in a separate post.